Day 19

Spent my first night alone last night.  Dad spent the night with K in the hospital and Maddox slept over at his buddy Jake’s house (thank you Todd and Laura).  I thought I’d enjoy “me” time but it was awful.  I did everything and anything to keep myself busy, starting with making Kennedy cupcakes to decorate and ending with researching the causes of non-bacterial, febrile neutropenia online with Cousin Nicole.  Thankfully Nicole is a pediatrician and can help decipher reality with my flashes of madness.   After I did everything I could to distract myself, I cried myself to sleep like a baby. 

I’ve tried so hard to not say, “it’s not fair” because it isn’t fair.  It isn’t fair that Kennedy has to go through this pain and suffering and can’t have fun and go to school like a typical 4 year old.  It’s not fair that Maddox hurts because he misses us so much.  It’s not fair that Gene and I have to dance with cancer for the third time in our lives.  No one said life is fair.  On the upside, it is fair that she is still here for us to hold and love.  Sometimes seeing the glass half full is hard but we can’t take it for granted – ever.

Gene said the day was good.  Dad and Kennedy made a Red Riding Hood book in the playroom (we’ve watched Hoodwinked way too many times this weekend).  They also played and ate a lot.  Maddox spent the day with Gina and Cannon at the movies (thanks Marci for everything!).  I went to work.

Cousin Nicole and I made up a list of questions for Gene to ask the infectious disease doc and we all won a small battle.  Kennedy will not need to have blood drawn from a separate site if she has reoccurring fevers during one hospital stay.  One poke at admission is fine and subsequent days after that, they will draw from the port first. Only if that comes back positive for bacteria growth will they need to do a pokey.  YAY!!!!!  Both doctors also told Gene that Kennedy’s counts looked better today – her WBC, Hemoglobin and platelets went up.  We MAY even be able to go home tomorrow.  I’m not holding my breath about this but I will celebrate the counts.  

 

I got to the hospital around 6ish and we decorated cupcakes with our teenage next door neighbor Nick who is here for chemo.  Of course we all wore masks, including Kennedy.  Grandpa came to pick up Gene and take him home; just in case we really do get to go home tomorrow I will have a car here.  Keep those fingers crossed that whatever virus is causing the fevers is gone, gone, gone so we can go home.

Thank you to all that have sent stuff for the kids and apologies if I have not addressed this before – it is appreciated and so kind.  Thank you from all of us.